GARFIELD SQUARE, POTTSVILLE OCTOBER 2023

TOP TEN REASONS WE LOVE OUR ELECTRIC BILLBOARD ON GARFIELD SQUARE 

So its in violation of the city zoning code, we love it anyway:

1. It is a cheerful distraction from all the collapsing buildings on Market Street 

2. It is a cheerful distraction from those slow-moving pedestrians crossing the street. 

3. War memorials are so depressing without the commercials that light up. 

4. It puts the f-u-n back into the adjoining funeral home. Why don’t all funeral homes have electric billboards that the one in front of Schlitzer-Allen-Pugh? 

5. It brightens up those broken sidewalks. 

6. How else can one find who is selling pot pie or city chicken ? 

 7. Garfield Square is back in action! We had nothing to look at ever since the cartoon characters were exiled. 

8. It is the first step in turning the drab square into a mini-Times Square. Now all we need are the hookers. 

9. Its nearly 160 years since the Civil War ended, isn’t time to stop honoring those old
soldiers.

 10. It’s a cheerful distraction from the funny looking statue of a lady high atop a pedestal (or a statue which identifies as a lady)

A- statue of lady or a statue identifying as a lady holding a ring 
B- The electronic billboard
C - Electric vehicle getting charged at the charging station

Garfield Square Goes Electric

 I was checking my bucket list and discovered that I had overlooked visiting the soldiers memorial at Garfield Square in Pottsville.  "My bucket has a hole in it."  Hank Williams put those words to music.  These are the words I live by.  

I drove down Market Street and as I approached Garfield Square I felt like General Eisenhower touring Germany after the war ended.  I felt patriotic.  

I parked my car at the Square and put several quarters in the meter as I have trouble using the app on my flip phone.  I strolled over to the monument and gazed at the impressive Lady Liberty standing high above the statues of soldiers and sailors.  There are even civil war cannons on the Square. It was dedicated in 1891 and still impressive today.   

My visit was interrupted by the large electronic billboard that sits onto of a truck near the funeral home that once was a church.  While I was there it lit up with messages such as "Scream Fest III" and "Clam Chowder Night at the Hosey"  and telling me where to go for the best bleenies.   I thought it was unusual for a funeral home  to have a sign like that out in front but I guess the funeral industry has to change with the times. Its about time they put the f-u-n back into funerals.  It's not their sign but I guess they don't mind.  Thinking about where to get the best bleenies, is a definite grief-buster.   

 RV at the Square charging station 

My curiosity got me to walk over to that truck and peer inside. I expected to see some little man inside working the electronics, but it was empty.  I followed the extension cord that ran from the truck to one of the city's  electronic charging stations.  I now know where to juice up the Tesla I will buy if I win the Mega Millions.  If you are in need of charging your electronic car or scooter, stop by Garfield Square!  Better yet, park your or your relative's RV at the Square and use the nifty charging station for power. Just bring plenty of quarters for the meter.

I thought it was odd that there was a flashing electronic billboard in the Square as the Square is a residential area.  Advertising signs are prohibited under the City Code in residential neighborhoods.  

I sat down in the gutter and read the Code further.  I got to Section 194-5 and it reads "No person shall erect or maintain, upon any street, sidewalk, curb or gutter in front of or along any dwelling house, store or other building or premises, any signboard, bulletin board or any obstruction of any type whatsoever which will interfere with the complete and full use, at all times, for the public of any street, sidewalk, curb or gutter."

How could this advertising sign exist in the area dedicated to the war dead, in a residential neighborhood and in front of a funeral home?  To me, this was in violation of the city code in a city that prides itself on code enforcement and improving the quality of life for its residents.  

Yes, Pottsville is noted for its strict code enforcement.  It recently shut down the Blackrock microbrewery that operated out of the old YWCA for code violations.  When the code enforcement officials swooped into action, the quality of life of every single resident bumped up (some say from even  mediocre to ho-hum),  Maybe the officials will soon get the old furnishings and rubbish  laying out for months on the 1900 block of Howard Avenue cleaned up.   Who knows?

The best photo of the Square that
I could take with my Brownie Starmite Box Camera. during a Canadian smoke-filled day....the monument is at the right. The sign is now a permanent part of the Square. 

Was it just me that saw the blatant code violation on the Square? Maybe I have a sixth sense like Bruce Willis in that old movie.. Maybe "I see code violations."  

Big Boy 

Maybe I need to get with the times.  Maybe the Square needs more electronic and colorful signs.  Maybe the old Garfield Diner could become a "Big Boys" fast-food restaurant? Lady Liberty could be replaced with a statue of the restaurant's trademarked chubby boy with a pompadour hairstyle wearing red-and-white checkered overalls holding a sandwich.  It would be an improvement for the visually impaired and the hungry.  

Schuylkill County Ukrainian Heritage: What you can do

 

                                             Ukrainian Crisis: What Can I Do

Schuylkill County has a small population but one with a large percentage of inhabitants of Ukrainian heritage.  Now Ukraine is under attack from cranky Vladimir Putin.  He is a man born cranky but recently after his girlfriend, gymnast Alina Kaebava,  supposedly gave birth to his twins in 2019 it is taking a toll on him and he is taking it out on his innocent neighbors.  The twins’ terrible twos would take a toll on me also, but I would never think of invading Mount Carbon, Port Carbon, and Palo Alto, despite the deep historic ties those places have to the City of Pottsville.  But then I can’t invade as I am not the mayor of Pottsville with the police and fire department under my control. 

So, I sit here wondering what to do.  At first, I started a boycott against importing Russian mail-order brides from the internet.  There are so many other foreign brides available so any hardship is minimal.  Russian mail-order brides are hard to return, even with Amazon Prime subscription.  

Then I upped the ante by taking all my Russian Matroshka nesting dolls and crushing them one by one, starting with the largest and working my way down to the little detka inside.  It gave me a great feeling of accomplishment.  I threw them all in my wood burner along with my old VHS tape of ‘Dr. Zhivago,’ my paperback copy of ‘Lolita’ and my wall posters of Boris Badinov, Natasha, Natalie Wood and Yul Brynner.  My walls are now bare.  

Such sacrifice and it made a great Tick Tock with over one million views by bored, shallow people. 

     I then ran to my bar and spilled out all of my vodka but was told by Mammy Trout that Nikolai vodka is made in Kentucky!  It is not Russian!  All these decades I was drinking Nikolai under false pretenses!  I immediately got a sponge to retrieve the precious fluids and refill most of my bottles.  The alcohol will kill any bacteria. After the clean-up I called the local bars, taverns and bistros to demand that ‘Moscow Mule’ cocktail be renamed the ‘Minersville Jackass’ cocktail.  It sounds more patriotic and reminds me of someone.  However, all the bars, taverns and bistros have my number blocked so I couldn’t get through.  

     The Pottsville Soup Kitchen, however, took my advice and cancelled “All-You-Can Eat Borsht Night.”  Schuylkill Countians loves “all-you-can-eat” menus.  I know, I do.  It helps make our county so special.  Lastly, I cancelled our planned family B&B staycation in Arnot’s Addition.  We we were going to take in the L.A. Dance Studio’s yearly Nutcracker performance and take Russian squat dance lessons. The family that squat dances together, stays together. 

Despite feeling great about my actions, I felt that there was more I could do.  I then researched and found that I could donate to humanitarian causes to help alleviate the suffering.  Why it doesn’t get me more tick tock views, it probably does more good.  So why don’t you try it. I just did.  Here is a list of charities vetted by Charity Navigator as legitimate with high standards and I am a man of high standards as I, many years ago, purchased and returned two Russian mail-order brides using Amazon Prime (not at the same time):

UKRAINIAN RELIEF     Click the link to the left!

Your contribution will help  - even though you don't get tick tock followers.  

New Year Baby Contest Cancelled

 

     NEW YEAR BABY CONTEST CANCELLED AMIDST PANDEMIC

                               City in a tizzy

  

Pottsville City officials met late into the night at zoom meeting to discuss the fate of one of its most beloved events – the annual New Year Baby Contest.  For nearly 200 years the contest brought tears to the eyes of both mothers and reluctant fathers, who all vied for a chance to win prizes donated from downtown merchants.  Records indicate that in 1827 the chief burgess proclaimed that the town would reward fertility on the beginning of every calendar year with modest prizes awarded.  Miss Priscilla Boyer, the first recipient, received a quart of sauerkraut, lace-trimmed pantaloons, two candlesticks and dinner for two at the White Horse Tavern.  The father, a nameless itinerant peddler, would have received a brass spittoon but it was never claimed. The spittoon was eventually escheated to the state where it sits today in a corner.  

With the COVID-19 virus enveloping the nation, the weary Pottsville Surgeon General held a press conference on March 18^th from his booth at the old Eagles Club on South Second Street, still strewn with tattered St. Patrick’s Day decorations.  He crushed his cigarette and told the reporters that he was recommending social distancing - a practice that would obviously make conception much more difficult.  He also announced that people should follow his example and drink alone, releasing a catchy slogan, “If the virus makes you cough and groan, don’t fret and just drink alone”   before rambling into his theory on the curative effects of boilo.  When pressed on the cancellation of social events, he took a wait and see attitude on the future of the New Year Baby Contest and Senior Olympics. 

The cancellation of the 2021 New Year Baby Contest immediately sent shockwaves throughout the city.  At its peak in the 1970s hundreds would camp outside the Pottsville Hospital for several days and nights waiting for the winner to be announced and hoping to catch a glimpse of the baby; with many of the men curious as to who the baby looked like in a time before the discovery of dna testing.  The contest was also good for the local economy as the numerous downtown bookies worked overtime as thousands placed bets on whether the baby would be a girl or a boy ( a practice now outlawed), the height and weight of the child, color of the eyes, and the number of hairs on the baby’s head. 

The cancellation is especially difficult on many young girls who already are in the dark wondering if their school would reopen. And now this.